David my brother 7 Nov 1962 - 4 April 2006

Its three years since he died. I miss him so much. He was so much apart of the weft and weave of my life. I cannot forgive the fact that I took for granted his daily existence. I just assumed that he would be there. He would be still there taking the Michael out of me. He meant so much of the fun of life. I cannot laugh now. I cry each day. He was a sod at times and hurt me but his going kills my spirit. I feel numb. I want to cry but that seems pointless. My tears seem to flow into a vacuum. My heart seems like an empty space. My cognitive skills seem so empty, the English language or any language cannot express the utter sadness that my heart feels. I wanted to scream at his funeral but everyone else seemed to sum up better their loss. I went away the feeling of sadness. I wanted to shout with anguish to state how his death had killed me. He was a vibrancy that I could not hold an equation that I could not sum a human being in all its weaknesses that I could not hold... I miss him so much, each day seems like a new start but I grieve..I hate myself for him dieing so young..I just do not understand why he died...there is nothing that I can hold on to that will give me any comfort for his death.. I wanted to die in his place..my grief is beyond any physical pain.