Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Somewhere between twitchers whimsy and acidic airs

I must say that I never knew that you could combine a whimsical comedian who spent the evening warmly trolling through a birdwatching competition that he had had with his father and a singer who did a good line in songs based on failed relationships and whatever she thought had annoyed her or rather depressed her. Well my friend had invited me to this free cabaret set in Foyles Book shop, Rays Jazz stage, so we were sitting listening to this mixed bag of variety and sipping on fruity infusions. We warmed to the ramshackle comedian and his limp comedy but fled when the singer did her final numbers.

Saturday, 18 April 2009

Fox and cat

This morning a fox lay basking in the new morning sun. It curled itself catlike in front of the shed. It enjoyed the sunshine rays, so longed for during the long never ending winter months. A white cat jumps down from a wall and looks at the fox and gently makes sure that the fox is not woken. It quietly pads back up onto the wall and deftly clambers three leggedly along the back fence. This three legged dance must have been hard learnt as the fence is far too thin for four feline feet. But the cat with knowing ease scampers along and jumps into the safety of the neighbouring garden. It plays in the long grass jumping and skipping at invisible feline fancies. Meanwhile the fox lifts its head and smells the cat filled air and looks around for the cat; nothing there, no cat to be seen. The fox makes a casual look with a move of its head then decides, there is no cat and returns his head back to being snuggled into its body. It enjoys the heat of the sun on its body. The Sun is a welcome friend and like that fox I now sit and enjoy the welcome rays.

Friday, 17 April 2009

Are you sitting comfortably then I shall begin

I love days like this...sitting all snug inside while the rain lashes down outside. The rain bounces and thrashes against the window causing a gray haze so typically London in hue. I look out the window of my friends house in Bexleyheath and watch the puddles dancing with the April rain splashing and teasing the ground with their pattering and drumming. For once I feel at peace not fretting about what music needs preparing or who said what about who.... I am relaxed, comfortable, daydreaming; thinking of friends and how they are, wondering if this year will get better financially and thinking how gentle my heart is beating. This moment is a calm gentle moment. Work is a distant journey to be travelled in more than a week, I am free for the moment from the clatter of the thud thud thud of works grinding relentless sapping energy. This present peace is intoxicating and is breathing a new spirit of energy back into my soul. I cannot say why but sitting here looking through this window at the pounding rain seems the most natural and soul enhancing activity. It is hypnotic.

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

Space time relation paradox

Ass
what is Space time?
Nine
Are you mad?
Ass
No...madness is an irrational state of existence
Nine
Exactly so is space time
Ass
What do you mean?
Nine
Imagine you are talking to me
Ass
But I am talking to you as mad as that may seem
Nine
Well imagine two people together
Ass
Are they facing each other?
Nine
Yes but where are they in time and space?
Ass
Well they are together at the same time in the same space talking
Nine
ghghhhhggtrtyyyrr!
Ass
What have I said? You are imitating my response to a cliche.
Nine
It is a bit banal and also wrong.
Ass
How is it wrong?
Nine
You are confusing perceived notions of reality with scientific reality.
Ass
Eh?
Nine
Imagine you are alone
Ass
I wish I was now
Nine
Come on and concentrate...close your eyes
Ass
Ok they are shut
Nine
Imagine you are looking around at your environment
Ass
Everything?
Nine
At everything
Ass
So what?
Nine
Here is a little fact, it takes about 8 minutes for the light of the sun to travel to the earth to light up what you are seeing
Ass
8 minutes...I can leave the house go to the shop, buy a newspaper, wander about a bit get back to the house and then bang the sun hits.
Nine
Exactly, so the light travels from the sun before you left the house and you can do all those things before the sun hits.
Ass
But the light is continuous
Nine
That is true
Ass
So if I left the house at 8 AM I would be illuminated by light was shining from the sun at 7.52 AM
Nine
OK...so you see how light takes time to travel from the Sun to Earth to illumate what is around you?
Ass
That seems fair enough
Nine
There is a little extra part to this
Ass
What else?
Nine
Well the distance between what you see and the time it takes to be illuminated by the sun
Ass
But I see that instantly
Nine
Not quite
Ass
I look and there it is
Nine
There is a minuscule delay between the light hitting the object and you seeing the object
Ass
Are you trying to tell me....what are you trying to tell me?
Nine
Everything that you see is not in the physical present but in the past due to the time it takes for the reflection of light off an object into your consciousness.
Ass
Is that true about all your physical senses
Nine
Absolutely.. now here is the paradox
Ass
For heavens sake I was just about grasping the concepts you were bombarding me with why introduce a paradox?
Nine
Its just an absolutely wonderful paradox
Ass
OK Mr Paradox.. go for it
Nine
We both think we see each other in the present but due to the way our senses register what is around us, the time delay causes me to see everything you do as being in the past. To me you do not exist in the present only in the past. The only thing that exists in the present is myself.
Ass
But the same is correct for me?
Nine
Yes...hence the paradox.
Ass
So what about the future?
Nine
I am not sure the future exists in terms of human existence only the present and the past.
Ass
My head hurts
Nine
There lies your madness

Monday, 13 April 2009

Ass and Nine

Ass
what?
Nine
I didn't say anything
Ass
No..no...no...I mean...what is the point?
Nine
The point of what?
Ass
Exactly
Nine
Exactly what?
Ass
The meaning of what
Nine
Its a question of existence
Ass
Oh as in what is the meaning?
Nine
Or what are you driving at?
Ass
What gets the ball rolling
Nine
No time for cliches
Ass
What?
Nine
A boring repeated answer that has no real meaning other than a tired unimaginative response
Ass
So you are saying I am boring and unimaginative?
Nine
You are when you use cliches...
Ass
Its hard being imaginative
Nine
Banal statements are dull chunks of meat hung out by tedium butchers
Ass
Lets make a pact
Nine
Why?
Ass
Every time you say a cliche I can say something totally absurd in response
Nine
So what happens when you make a cliche?
Ass
Nothing at all, I am afflicted by the banal statement
Nine
An affliction that I will comment on..
Ass
Is existence a cliche?
Nine
It can be banal, full of used tired statements..leading nowhere
Ass
A suburban mantra that is brainlessly repeated as part of a conversation ritual
Nine
Where did that come from?
Ass
I don't know, I surprise myself sometimes
Nine
Lets get back to the word What?
Ass
Why?
Nine
Why is good
Ass
bggdcbhscjjjjjjjjjjjjj yuck!
Nine
What now?
Ass
Cliche alert
Nine
Whatever do you mean?
Ass
I think that you were about to say how good making questions are
Nine
So?
Ass
So in itself that is a banality
Nine
I guess banalities are the starting points for true profundity in the meaning of existence
Ass
Are they really?
Nine
Well you have to start somewhere
Ass
Cant you start exploring the meaning of existence further into the explanation rather than starting from the banal first question?
Nine
I don't think you can
Ass
Here is a banal question, what is the meaning of existence?
Nine
That question can never have a satisfactory answer.
Ass
jijjitghrfddde..ggggggggggggggggggggggggty
Nine
What did I say now?
Ass
Your answer was a cliche a cop out
Nine
Religion gives you an answer, science gives you a theory..but existence depends on where you are and how you relate to it.
Ass
I could make silly noises all the day long

Sunday, 5 April 2009

London

London is a place that draws me in, it draws me into its wild and multifaceted mechanisms; I want to run away from the congested and bitter crowds that knock and sear into my daily consciousness; I try and block out the rude crushing crowds, the stop start trains, the screeching daily relentless drive that propels each day barging with indifference faceless blankly dead expressions. The chug chug chug of the passing day transforms warm blooded vitality into faded bony remnants. But beyond the darkness of the daily drudging feet and communal daily confluence lies the London that holds me with its great transforming gaze. There within its machinery lies plots of escapism to delight the senses with its quirky lumen essence. Sitting on some grass at the twilight age of the day the sky is a mixture of yellows reds and gray-blues, trees lost of leaves branch upward filling the horizon caressing the darkening textured night sky. London is at its best from twilight to dawn.

Saturday, 4 April 2009

David my brother 7 Nov 1962 - 4 April 2006

Its three years since he died. I miss him so much. He was so much apart of the weft and weave of my life. I cannot forgive the fact that I took for granted his daily existence. I just assumed that he would be there. He would be still there taking the Michael out of me. He meant so much of the fun of life. I cannot laugh now. I cry each day. He was a sod at times and hurt me but his going kills my spirit. I feel numb. I want to cry but that seems pointless. My tears seem to flow into a vacuum. My heart seems like an empty space. My cognitive skills seem so empty, the English language or any language cannot express the utter sadness that my heart feels. I wanted to scream at his funeral but everyone else seemed to sum up better their loss. I went away the feeling of sadness. I wanted to shout with anguish to state how his death had killed me. He was a vibrancy that I could not hold an equation that I could not sum a human being in all its weaknesses that I could not hold... I miss him so much, each day seems like a new start but I grieve..I hate myself for him dieing so young..I just do not understand why he died...there is nothing that I can hold on to that will give me any comfort for his death.. I wanted to die in his place..my grief is beyond any physical pain.

Thursday, 2 April 2009

Banks and rebellion

I had a wee appointment at Drummonds Bank. When I got there a notice the size of a postage stamp told me that for the good of my health the bank was shut. It was 9.30 and unknown to me Trafalgar square was to be swarmed with rebellious types who would later have a set too with police and one would be killed. This took me back to 1990 when I missed the Poll Tax riots when a friend got hit on the head by a brick luckily he met me later. The man died of internal bleeding from a thuggish police assault...the policeman responsible has been suspended and he could be charged with murder/manslaughter....the sad irony was the man killed was not in the protest, he was just wandering past.