Sadness at the end

In time,
No one will remember our work
Our life will pass like the traces of a cloud
And be scattered like
Mist that is chased by the
Rays of the sun
For our time is the passing of a shadow
And our lives will run like
Sparks through the stubble. I place a delphinium, Blue, upon your grave

Derek Jarman 1993 Blue

The fourth Plinth

My dear friend Neil invited me to Trafalgar Square where we observed the participants of the 4th plinth. The fourth plinth is 150 odd years old and like an invitation to an artist has never had anything permanent upon it. It may be a singular world of exploration where an empty space is given a form of expression in some way it echoes the Turbine Hall of the Tate Modern, but the plinth seems to fail more often than not. We noticed that those taking part seemed not to take full advantage of what is given. They seem to make the wonderful space given much smaller than it is, its as if they are scared and are psychologically confined. They used it like a cliff edge a point of vantage ignoring the people sitting around. I dreamed last night, for some odd and short moment, that the plinth had a bridge crossing it. May be that's the point of the 4th plinth or any plinth that its not meant for a loud self indulgent theatrical performance. I shy away from a soldier on a horse bestriding the plinth it seems so lame and week addition to this monument.

I watched ages ago Andy Warhol films of people moving very slowly. The films at first seemed boring and and self indulgent but once you get into the rhythm of the art it became like animated sculpture. If I had the opportunity of filling that space I would have a large piece of sculpture that slowly changed in a polymorphic fashion. May be a dancing sculpture of Samuel Becket.

Samuel Beckett and God

What did God do before the Creation? Play with the Void? Is Creation the reason for God? Without the creation is God pointless? Why did the monotheistic God create man to destroy man? It is a relentless creation more to do with eternal misery with the ON creation switch never off. Is humanity's existence just the dreadful joke and game of a remote and bored God who could do his own thing without ever having to have any connection with his creation but instead dives in occasionally as a hunter in sport and slaughters millions and then dives out again. The rainbow is a marker for Gods murderous habits. Creativity through music, art, literature and not having children seems to be the best way to put a spanner in the mechanism of God's relentless generations of mankind. God wants idiots to reproduce millions of people for zillions of years until some day the off switch is found but the off switch has not been created yet by a God who has grown bored with his own creation. Does God long for the void and to wipe out the useless boring creation that means now nothing except how tediously familiar it is? That's the Beckett question.

Harold and Maud and Cat Stevens

This film is a dark comedy but blooms at the end. I love the songs from the film

Soundtrack - Lyrics

An official soundtrack containing all of the Cat Stevens songs used in the movie Harold & Maude has never been released. However you can compile your own soundtrack from three Cat Stevens albums -- Tea for the Tillerman, Mona Bone Jakon and either the Box Set or the Remember Cat Stevens Import CD.

Two songs, "Don't Be Shy" and "If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out" were written specifically for the movie and were not released in any form until 1984 on Footsteps in the Dark/Greatest Hits Volume Two (which is now out of print). Both songs were later included on the Cat Stevens box set released in 2001 as well as the Remember Cat Stevens Import.

The list below is in the order that the songs appear in the film.
Harold and Maude Songs by Cat Stevens

- Don't Be Shy
- On The Road To Find Out
- I Wish, I Wish
- Miles from Nowhere
- Tea for the Tillerman
- I Think I See the Light
- Where Do the Children Play?
- If You Want to Sing Out
- Trouble

LYRICS by Cat Stevens

Dont be shy

Don't be shy just let your feelings roll on by
Don't wear fear or nobody will know you're there
Just lift your head, and let your feelings out instead
And don't be shy, just let your feeling roll on by
On by

You know love is better than a song
Love is where all of us belong
So don't be shy just let your feelings roll on by
Don't wear fear or nobody will know you're there
You're there

Don't be shy just let your feelings roll on by
Don't wear fear or nobody will know you're there
Just lift your head, and let your feelings out instead
And don't be shy, just let your feeling roll on by
On by, on by, etc.



On the Road To Find Out

Well I left my happy home to see what I could find out
I left my folk and friends with the aim to clear my mind out
Well I hit the rowdy road and many kinds I met there
Many stories told me of the way to get there

So on and on I go, the seconds tick the time out
There's so much left to know, and I'm on the road to findout

Well in the end I'll know, but on the way I wonder
Through descending snow, and through the frost and thunder

I listen to the wind come howl, telling me I have to hurry
I listen to the robin's song saying not to worry

So on and on I go, the seconds tick the time out
There's so much left to know, and I'm on the road to findout

Then I found myself alone, hopin' someone would miss me
Thinking about my home, and the last woman to kiss me, kiss me

But sometimes you have to moan when nothing seems to suit ya
But nevertheless you know you're locked towards the future

So on and on you go, the seconds tick the time out
There's so much left to know, and I'm on the road to findout

Then I found my head one day when I wasn't even trying
And here I have to say, 'cause there is no use in lying, lying

Yes the answer lies within, so why not take a look now?
Kick out the devil's sin, pick up, pick up a good book now



I wish, I wish

I wish I knew, I wish I knew
what makes me, me, and what makes you, you.
It's just another point of view, ooo.
A state of mind I'm going through, yes.
So what I see is never true, ahhh.

I wish I could tell, I wish I could tell
what makes a heaven what makes a hell.
And do I get to ring my bell, ooo.
Or land up in some dusty cell, no.
While others reach the big hotel, yeah.

I wish I had, I wish I had
the secret of good, and the secret of bad.
Why does this question drive me mad? ahhh.
'Cause I was taught when but a lad, yes,
That bad was good and good was bad, ahhh.

I wish I knew the mystery of
that thing called hate, and that thing called love.
What makes the in-between so rough? ahhh.
Why is it always push and shove? ahhh
I guess I just don't know enough, yes.




Miles from nowhere

Miles from nowhere
I guess I'll take my time
Oh yeah, to reach there

Look up at the mountain
I have to climb
Oh yeah, to reach there.

Lord my body has been a good friend
But I won't need it when I reach the end

Miles from nowhere
Guess I'll take my time
Oh yeah, to reach there

I creep through the valleys
And I grope through the woods
'cause I know when I find it my honey
It's gonna make me feel good

I love everything
So don't it make you feel sad
'cause I'll drink to you, my baby
I'll think to that, I'll think to that.

Miles from nowhere
Not a soul in sight
Oh yeah, but it's alright

I have my freedom
I can make my own rules
Oh yeah, the ones that I choose

Lord my body has been a good friend
But I won't need it when I reach the end

Miles from nowhere
I Guess I'll take my time
Oh yeah, to reach there.



Tea for Tillerman

Bring tea for the Tillerman
Steak for the sun
Wine for the women who made the rain come
Seagulls sing your hearts away
'Cause while the sinners sin, the children play

Oh Lord how they play and play
For that happy day, for that happy day




I think I see the Light

I used to trust nobody, trusting even less their words,
until I found somebody, there was no one I preferred,
my heart was made of stone, my eyes saw only misty grey,
Until you came into my life girl, I saw everyone that way.
Until I found the one I needed at my side,
I think I would have been a sad man all my life.

I think I see the light coming to me,
coming through me giving me a second sight.
So shine, shine, shine,
shine, shine, shine,
shine, shine, shine.

I used to walk alone, every step seemed the same.
This world was not my home, so there was nothing much to gain.
Look up and see the clouds, look down and see the cold floor.
Until you came into my life girl, I saw nothing, nothing more.
Until I found the one I needed at my side,
I think I would have been a sad man all my life.

I think I see the light coming to me,
coming through me giving me a second sight.
So shine, shine, shine,
shine, shine, shine,
shine, shine, shine.




Where do the children play

Well I think it's fine, building jumbo planes.
Or taking a ride on a cosmic train.
Switch on summer from a slot machine.
Get what you want to if you want, 'cause you can get anything.

I know we've come a long way,
We're changing day to day,
But tell me, where do the children play?

Well you roll on roads over fresh green grass.
For your lorryloads pumping petrol gas.
And you make them long, and you make them tough.
But they just go on and on, and it seems you can't get off.

Oh, I know we've come a long way,
We're changing day to day,
But tell me, where do the children play?

When you crack the sky, scrapers fill the air.
Will you keep on building higher
'til there's no more room up there?
Will you make us laugh, will you make us cry?
Will you tell us when to live, will you tell us when to die?

I know we've come a long way,
We're changing day to day,
But tell me, where do the children play?




I f you want to sing out, sing out

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
'Cause there's a million things to be
You know that there are

And if you want to live high, live high
And if you want to live low, live low
'Cause there's a million ways to go
You know that there are

Chorus:
You can do what you want
The opportunity's on
And if you can find a new way
You can do it today
You can make it all true
And you can make it undo
you see ah ah ah
its easy ah ah ah
You only need to know

Well if you want to say yes, say yes
And if you want to say no, say no
'Cause there's a million ways to go
You know that there are

And if you want to be me, be me
And if you want to be you, be you
'Cause there's a million things to do
You know that there are

Chorus

Well, if you want to sing out, sing out
And if you want to be free, be free
'Cause there's a million things to be
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are
You know that there are





Trouble

Trouble
Oh trouble set me free
I have seen your face
And it's too much too much for me

Trouble
Oh trouble can't you see
You're eating my heart away
And there's nothing much left of me

I've drunk your wine
You have made your world mine
So won't you be fair
So won't you be fair

I don't want no more of you
So won't you be kind to me
Just let me go where
I'll have to go there

Trouble
Oh trouble move away
I have seen your face
and it's too much for me today

Trouble
Oh trouble can't you see
You have made me a wreck
Now won't you leave me in my misery

I've seen your eyes
and I can see death's disguise
Hangin' on me
Hangin' on me

I'm beat, I'm torn
Shattered and tossed and worn
Too shocking to see
Too shocking to see

Trouble
Oh trouble move from me
I have paid my debt
Now won't you leave me in my misery

Trouble
Oh trouble please be kind
I don't want no fight
And I haven't got a lot of time

I am grateful to the Harold and Maude Webb site for this

The Man on the bendybus

A man appeared on the bendy bus as the bus snaked between New Cross and Lewisham. The man was caked in dirt ,black with filthy fingers raw with injury. He tried to hide from the driver by squatting in the centre of the bendy part of the bus taking intermittent swigs from a can of illicit lager. The distinctive lager stink wafted occasionally in my direction. When the bus judders I saw the man's wounded fingers as he grasped the hand rail beside me. The man was confused and made a false recognition of a mistaken friend who pretended knowledge to make fun, a sort of odd sport that some make of drunks and the mentally infirm. The delusion was momentarily a fantasy between the two men till realisation struck the drunken man who slumped down on the bus floor in obvious dejection grabbed for the near empty lager can to satisfy an endless need. He cursed the can when it ultimately became empty.

Bastards and church attendance

I am plowing through the Bible and have come across a right old statement. If you are a bastard none of your family for 10 following generations can enter a church. A generation is roughly 35 to 40 years therefore 350 to 400 years. The Lindsay clan was renowned for fornication in the 17th and 18th century. The family crest has bar sinister that is a diagonal black line this warns of bastards in the clan. The Lindsay clan has two bar sinister showing that there are a plethora of bastards in the family. So am I banned from entering a church? Looks like it.

The Erlking

Just heard Schubert's very frightening Leider version. It is utterly compelling and totally scary.

Erlkönig	Erlking
von J.W. Goethe	Translation by Hyde Flippo
Wer reitet so spät durch Nacht und Wind?	Who rides so late through the night and wind?
Es ist der Vater mit seinem Kind;	It's the father with his child;
Er hat den Knaben wohl in dem Arm,	He has the boy safe in his arm,
Er faßt ihn sicher, er hält ihn warm.	He holds him secure, he holds him warm.
«Mein Sohn, was birgst du so bang dein Gesicht?» –	“My son, what makes you hide your face in fear?” –
Siehst, Vater, du den Erlkönig nicht?	Father, don't you see the Erlking?
Den Erlenkönig mit Kron und Schweif? –	The Erlking with crown and flowing robe? –
«Mein Sohn, es ist ein Nebelstreif.» –	“My son, it's a wisp of fog.” –
«Du liebes Kind, komm, geh mit mir!	“You dear child, come along with me!
Gar schöne Spiele spiel' ich mit dir;	Such lovely games I'll play with you;
Manch bunte Blumen sind an dem Strand,	Many colorful flowers are at the shore,
Meine Mutter hat manch gülden Gewand.»	My mother has many a golden garment.”
Mein Vater, mein Vater, und hörest du nicht,	My father, my father, and do you not hear
Was Erlenkönig mir leise verspricht? –	What the Erlking promises me so softly? –
«Sei ruhig, bleibe ruhig, mein Kind;	“Be quiet, stay quiet, my child;
In dürren Blättern säuselt der Wind.» –	In the dry leaves the wind is rustling.” –
«Willst, feiner Knabe, du mit mir gehn?	“Won't you come along with me, my fine boy?
Meine Töchter sollen dich warten schön;	My daughters shall attend to you so nicely.
Meine Töchter führen den nächtlichen Reihn,	My daughters do their nightly dance,
Und wiegen und tanzen und singen dich ein.»	And they'll rock you and dance you and sing you to sleep.”
Mein Vater, mein Vater, und siehst du nicht dort	My father, my father, and do you not see over there
Erlkönigs Töchter am düstern Ort? –	Erlking's daughters in that dark place? –
«Mein Sohn, mein Sohn, ich seh es genau:	“My son, my son, I see it most definitely:
Es scheinen die alten Weiden so grau.»	It's the willow trees looking so grey.”
«Ich liebe dich, mich reizt deine schöne Gestalt;	“I love you; I'm charmed by your beautiful form;
Und bist du nicht willig, so brauch ich Gewalt.»	And if you're not willing, then I'll use force.”
Mein Vater, mein Vater, jetzt faßt er mich an!	My father, my father, now he's grabbing hold of me!
Erlkönig hat mir ein Leids getan! –	Erlking has done me harm! –
Dem Vater grausets, er reitet geschwind,	The father shudders, he rides swiftly,
Er hält in Armen das ächzende Kind,	He holds in (his) arms the moaning child.
Erreicht den Hof mit Mühe und Not;	He reaches the farmhouse with effort and urgency.
In seinen Armen das Kind war tot.	In his arms the child was dead.

Wow...