Willie Nelson I'm My Own Grandpa

"I'm My Own Grandpa"

Now, many many years ago
When I was twenty three
I was married to a widow
Who was pretty as could be

This widow had a grown-up daughter
Had hair of red
My father fell in love with her
And soon the two were wed

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life
My daughter was my mother
'Cause she was my father's wife

To complicate the matters
Even though it brought me joy
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad
And so became my uncle
Though it made me very sad

For if he was my uncle
That also made him the brother
Of the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother

I'm my own grandpa
I'm my own grandpa
It sounds funny I know
But it really is so
I'm my own grandpa

My father's wife then had a son
That kept them on the run
And he became my grandchild
For he was my daughter's son

My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue
Because, she is my wife
She's my grandmother too

I'm my own grandpa
I'm my own grandpa
It sounds funny I know
But it really is so
I'm my own grandpa

Now, if my wife is my grandmother
Then, I am her grandchild
And every time I think of it
It nearly drives me wild

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw
As the husband of my grandmother
I am my own grandpa

I'm my own grandpa
I'm my own grandpa
It sounds funny I know
But it really is so
I'm my own grandpa

I'm my own grandpa
I'm my own grandpa
It sounds funny I know
But it really is so
I'm my own grandpa

WILLIE NELSON

Riddles

What is greater than God,
more evil than the devil,
the poor have it,
the rich need it,
and if you eat it, you'll die?






What has a head and a tail, but no body?


What has an eye but can not see?


There was a green house. Inside the green house there was a white house. Inside the white house there was a red house. Inside the red house there were lots of babies. What is it?


Which creature walks on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs in the evening?

 If you have me, you want to share me. If you share me, you haven't got me. What am I?




Imagine you are in a dark room. How do you get out?




Two children, who were all tangled up in their reckoning of the days of the week, paused on their way to school to straighten matters out. "When the day after tomorrow is yesterday," said Priscilla, "then 'today' will be as far from Sunday as that day was which was 'today' when the day before yesterday was tomorrow!"
On which day of the week did this puzzling prattle occur?




A poor farmer went to the market to sell some peas and lentils. However, as he had only one sack and didn't want to mix peas and lentils, he poured in the peas first, tied the sack in the middle, and then filled the top portion of the sack with the lentils. At the market a rich innkeeper happened by with his own sack. He wanted to buy the peas, but he did not want the lentils.
Pouring the seed anywhere else but the sacks is considered soiling. Trading sacks is not allowed. The farmer can't cut a hole in his sack.
How would you transfer the peas to the innkeeper's sack, which he wants to keep, without soiling the produce?




The captain of a ship was telling this interesting story: "We travelled the sea far and wide. At one time, two of my sailors were standing on opposite sides of the ship. One was looking west and the other one east. And at the same time, they could see each other clearly."
How can that be possible?




A ladder hangs over the side of a ship anchored in a port. The bottom rung touches the water. The distance between rungs is 20 cm and the length of the ladder is 180 cm. The tide is rising at the rate of 15 cm each hour.
When will the water reach the seventh rung from the top?




Three people arrive into a hotel. They pay £30 to the manager and go to their room. The manager finds out that the room rate is £25 and gives the bellboy £5 to return to the guests. On the way to the room the bellboy reasons that £5 would be difficult to split among three people so he pockets £2 and gives £1 to each person. Now each person paid £10 and got back £1. So they paid £9 each, totalling £27. The bellboy has another £2, adding up to £29.
Where is the remaining pound?


13 people came into a hotel with 12 rooms and each guest wanted his own room. The bellboy solved this problem.
He asked the thirteenth guest to wait a little with the first guest in room number 1. So in the first room there were two people. The bellboy took the third guest to room number 2, the fourth to number 3, ..., and the twelfth guest to room number 11. Then he returned to room number 1 and took the thirteenth guest to room number 12, still vacant.
How can everybody have his own room?




Banging you head yet?

Mental illness

Image copyright Metropolitan Police

Image caption Darlene Horton, 64, died following the attack in Russell Square

A 19-year-old man has been charged with the murder of a US tourist in a knife attack in London's Russell Square.

Zakaria Bulhan, of south-west London, has been charged with the murder of Darlene Horton, 64, and the attempted murder of five other people.
Two women and three men were injured in the attack on Wednesday.
The Metropolitan Police have said Mr Bulhan - a Norwegian national of Somali origin - will appear at Westminster Magistrates' Court on Saturday.
Mrs Horton had been visiting London with her husband Richard Wagner, who was teaching summer classes.

Florida State University said the couple had planned to return to their home in Tallahassee on Thursday - the day after the attack.
The university's president, John Thrasher, said "there are no words to express our heartache".
A British man who suffered a stab wound to his stomach in the attack remains in hospital in a "serious but stable" condition.
An American man, an Australian man, an Australian woman and an Israeli woman were all discharged from hospital on Thursday, following treatment for their injuries.


My heart goes out to the people who suffered injury and the poor woman who died plus their families. Also The lad who did these acts and his family, he was clearly out of his mind and obviously thought his actions would lead to his own demise. I feel sorry for all involved as mental illness is a scourge and causes the most devastating  actions with its
tragic consequences. I pray that we can deal with the poor people who have no accountability for their actions due to debilitating mental illness in a caring way rather than a hard hearted way. This is a dreadful incident which will cause pain and suffering for years to come to all involved.


The above report is from the BBC

https://audioobscura.bandcamp.com/music

A site to recommend

Sandi Toksvig Quotes

When I was a student at Cambridge I remember an anthropology professor holding up a picture of a bone with 28 incisions carved in it. 'This is often considered to be man's first attempt at a calendar' she explained. She paused as we dutifully wrote this down. 'My question to you is this - what man needs to mark 28 days? I would suggest to you that this is woman's first attempt at a calendar.' It was a moment that changed my life. In that second I stopped to question almost everything I had been taught about the past. How often had I overlooked women's contributions?


I always wanted to open a delicatessen in Jerusalem and call it 'Cheeses of Nazareth'.

scientists say that being fat can lead to dementia. I have decided, however, to throw caution to the winds and proceed with my all-cream-cake regime. It seems to me that the fatter I get, the fewer places I will go and so the less I will have to remember.

Mary was a famous fairground attraction but she doesn't really count as she rather famously turned out to be a monkey

The Pier of La Herradura

When I sleep I see a child

hidden between the legs of a scarred man,

their sunburnt backs breathe cold air,

the child faces me

and the pier’s roof swallows the moon

cut by the clouds behind them.

Sometimes, they’re on the same roof

wearing handkerchiefs

and uniformed men surround them.

I mistake bullet casings

for cormorant beaks diving

till water churns the color of sunsets,

stained barnacles line the pier

and I can’t see who’s facedown

on boats lulled by crimson ripples.

Once, I heard the man —

alive and still on the roof — say

today for you, tomorrow for me.

There’s a village where men train cormorants

to fish: rope-end tied to sterns,

another to necks, so their beaks

won’t swallow the fish they catch.

My father is one of those birds.

He’s the scarred man.

JAVIER ZAMORA


Poet Javier Zamora was born in the small El Salvadoran coastal fishing town of La Herradura and immigrated to the United States at the age of nine, joining his parents in California. He earned a BA at the University of California, Berkeley and an MFA at New York University.
Zamora’s love of poetry was sparked in his last year of high school when visiting poet Rebecca Foust introduced the class to Pablo Neruda’s Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair. In his poems, Zamora often engages history, borders, and memory.
In a 2014 interview with Paula Beete for the National Endowment for the Arts Art Works Blog, Zamora stated, “[Poetry] matters because there's a history of all the poets who have risked their lives [to write]. I think in the United States we forget that writing and carrying that banner of ‘being a poet’ is tied into a long history of people that have literally risked [their lives] and died to write those words.”
Zamora’s chapbook Nueve Años Inmigrantes/Nine Immigrant Years won the 2011 Organic Weapon Arts Contest, and his poetry was featured in Best New Poets 2013.
His honors include a National Endowment for the Arts fellowship, an Olive B. O’Connor Fellowship in Creative Writing at Colgate University, a CantoMundo fellowship, scholarships to the Bread Loaf Writers’ Conference and Napa Valley Writers’ Conference, and a Meridian Editors’ Prize.


I like poetry and this site is good
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poets/detail/javier-zamora


                           

Tongue Twisters

Something in a thirty-acre thermal thicket of thorns and thistles thumped and thundered threatening the three-D thoughts of Matthew the thug - although, theatrically, it was only the thirteen-thousand thistles and thorns through the underneath of his thigh that the thirty year old thug thought of that morning.

There was a fisherman named Fisher
who fished for some fish in a fissure.
Till a fish with a grin,
pulled the fisherman in.
Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher.

To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,
In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,
Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!
To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,
In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,
Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!
A dull, dark dock, a life-long lock,
A short, sharp shock, a big black block!
To sit in solemn silence in a pestilential prison,
And awaiting the sensation
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!

by W.S. Gilbert of Gilbert and Sullivan from The Mikado

As he gobbled the cakes on his plate,
the greedy ape said as he ate,
the greener green grapes are,
the keener keen apes are
to gobble green grape cakes,
they're great!

from Dr. Seuss's O Say Can You Say?

I am not a pheasant plucker,
I'm a pheasant plucker's son
but I'll be plucking pheasants
When the pheasant plucker's gone.

Betty Botter bought some butter but, said she, the butter's bitter.
If I put it in my batter, it will make my batter bitter.
But a bit of better butter will make my bitter batter better.
So she bought some better butter, better than the bitter butter,
put it in her bitter batter, made her bitter batter better.
So 't was better Betty Botter bought some better butter.